Thursday, May 15, 2008

Just the facts, please...

First, I know the blog is a little visually challenged right now (alright, it's just plain BORING to look at)! But I have a plan to fix that... my Mom is going out of town for the weekend and I am going to sneak over and take some pictures of the hoard. I plan on taking LOTS of pictures and using them as "visual aids" in my upcoming posts. Cross your fingers that the key she gave me to the house still works, on second thought maybe we should all say a prayer! No really, I may need the help of a higher power, I've seen the bucket she pulled it from and there were at least 50 keys in it! Of course she doesn't know what they are all for, just that they might be to something important. Like the car that has been broken down in the driveway for the last four years. But I digress...
Second, I apologize for my polling options over on the right side of your screen. I really had no idea that the second one would be cut off right at that point, thus implying that you are a child of a hoar... well it just looks kind of funny doesn't it? Apparently it is unchangeable after votes have been cast, so I guess I will get to look at it for the next 3 months!

Now on to today's post... A little background that will help you to understand me, if that's possible.

My Mother is the hoarder in our family. She lives at home with my father and their 2 dogs. Oh and my 18 yr old brother (although he will be spending the summer with me). There are 6 six children in our family (including me).

My Mom's parents and all 4 of her siblings suffer from obsessive compulsive hoarding to some degree.

I am NOT a hoarder, but I struggle to cope with most daily cleaning and organizational tasks, as well as major identity/self esteem issues.

My sister may be hoarder, we are working through this (she and I talk daily, she will be the first one I tell about this site when I'm ready).

I am 31 years old and have been out of my Mother's house since the age of 17. I am married to a wonderfully supportive man and we have 4 beautiful children (please, please don't let me screw them up).

I mistakenly thought that when I moved out of my mother's home, my problems would be solved. Like a bad dream, it would all disappear as I carved out my own life -free of the mess and the craziness! The thing is, it never goes away. It haunts me every day of my life as I struggle to make sense of even the simplest of tasks. It is always there, tainting each of my accomplishments. Lurking deep inside, letting me know that no matter what parts of me I show to everyone else, that no matter how fabulous I may seem to others the fact remains that I'm NOT. And I never will be... unless I can make peace with it.

So what is It? It is Obsessive Compulsive Hoarding Disorder. I don't even suffer from it and yet, it is ruining my life.

That's my life... in a nutshell. A really small nutshell.