Maintenance Free

I am Laughing/crying at this blog. Both my parents...

2012-04-10T20:39:14.294-07:00

I am Laughing/crying at this blog. Both my parents hoard. Although i think my Mother is the worse offender. My sisters and I have tried to help but total resistance. We are in our 40s. Parents in their 70's. Wasn't always so bad because growing up dad was in military and we moved 15 or more times! Now, the reality is they have filled up two homes. And too cluttered/dirty for grand kids or their own friends to visit.
What's the deal with the pastic containers.... She Cannot make herself even recycle them. Sad.

So what happened next??? Keep posting!

2012-02-21T13:52:37.196-08:00

So what happened next??? Keep posting!

so - there was a time that you remember your mothe...

2011-08-22T00:05:05.064-07:00

so - there was a time that you remember your mother differently than this?

Not me.

As a small child I remember knowing my mom didn't think "normal"

It always felt like a dirty little secret the happ...

2011-08-21T23:56:54.641-07:00

It always felt like a dirty little secret the happiness I would get out of hearing that one of my mother's animals died. I would be happy that *that* animal was no longer suffering - because if my mom had it, it suffered.

And many is the day I've wished for some natural disaster to just come and swallow the mess all up.

We, my siblings and I, have not been so lucky.

Hello Jamie, I just found your blog and read thro...

2011-06-17T08:47:17.987-07:00

Hello Jamie,

I just found your blog and read through it. I'm one of the 'interested observers' in your poll. There's no hoarding in my family (that I'm aware of anyway), although there are addictions. Thanks for the insight into your mother's condition and how it's affected you and your family, it does a lot to de-sensationalize what we see in the media.

Yes I am familiar with this method of flushing too...

2011-05-15T23:44:31.417-07:00

Yes I am familiar with this method of flushing too, as about half of my teenage years were spent flushing the toilet this way. I became a toilet expert by trying to fix it for my parents with dental floss inside the tank time after time. Eventually after leaving for college I stopped by and there was a new toilette! I take comfort knowing that my parents have a different last name than I do and the plumber will never connect me with them!

Dear Maintenance Free, I'm a reporter working...

2011-04-18T13:50:04.506-07:00

Dear Maintenance Free,

I'm a reporter working on a story about children who have hoarder parents and came across your blog. I was hopign I could interview you for the article. I can be reached at:

steven.kurutz@nytimes.com

Thanks.

it took a flood that ruined most of my mothers hoa...

2011-03-07T07:47:01.748-08:00

it took a flood that ruined most of my mothers hoard to get her house cleaned out. i was giddy. i am still dealing with the after effects as the flood is new. it's hard, but i can't even begin to express how HAPPY i am this happened. which in turn, makes me feel bad.

Oh congratulations, Jamie on the plastic crap/crap...

2011-03-04T19:10:26.048-08:00

Oh congratulations, Jamie on the plastic crap/crap/and more crap being toxic now. Oh, no, awwww, that's just too bad, isn't it? Unless you think she won't consider that a 'real' reason to throw them away; then that could be a problem. Still, congrats!

Haha love your blog!!! My adopted mother was/is a ...

2011-03-02T08:20:23.771-08:00

Haha love your blog!!! My adopted mother was/is a hoarder, and it literally took a kitchen fire, a blown hot water heater, and a flea infestation for her to finally start addressing the hoarding problem. This was all in the span of 18 years. I am 29 now, and reading blogs like yours makes me happy inside. It was hard enough for ME to live in a hoarding household, with all brothers, and me being the middle son. I was always the only one who spoke up about it to my school, counselors, and friends. I always wonder if the internet and hoarding reality TV was around in the 90's if my cries would have been heard.

Good work with the blog, keep it up sweetheart!!!

Joey

I discovered your blog today and read the whole th...

2011-02-05T00:28:59.186-08:00

I discovered your blog today and read the whole thing. I can relate to so much. Our house wasn't too bad growing up, but I was ashamed of it. Even though my house is much nicer and cleaner than my parents house was, I still don't like to entertain at my house.

I resent so many things about my mother now. I live about 3 hours from my parent, but I haven't been down there in years. My children are never invited to spend the night ( not that I would want them too). I really resent how detached my mom is as a grandparent.

I could go on, but I hope you blog again soon. Oh, I can totally relate to the food storage too, It is part of my culture also. My grandma hoarded food. When she died, we had to throw away 30 year old rice and old home canned fruit. My parents are sleeping on 35 year old freezed dried food. LOL

Thanks for taking me to abcnews.go.com. very helpf...

2011-01-26T23:35:33.919-08:00

Thanks for taking me to abcnews.go.com. very helpful stuff..i had many problems and meditation and Yoga resolved everything!!

Maintenance Job Description

My mom uses the downstairs bathroom as a walk-in c...

2010-12-06T23:11:23.958-08:00

My mom uses the downstairs bathroom as a walk-in closet. The shower curtain is buckling downward from all the weight of the clothing.

That is sooo strange, my mother suffers from Hoard...

2010-10-11T04:47:49.804-07:00

That is sooo strange, my mother suffers from Hoarding and Orthorexia. She is a 5'4" and a little over 100 lbs. Wont' eat sugar, Won't eat white flour, mkes negative comments about fried foos when she see's commercial. My mother collects newspapers and books. She is always going to read something later, wanted to save a recipe or show it to someone. She has never actually gotten around to it. She talks about getting her life together and if you watch her clean, she is disinfecting each individual sheat of paper and reading it and then throwing it away, shredding it, or keeping it for later. I live with her and I am extremely fed up. I am so anxious that I can barely go to work. I am at work not wanting to go home and I stay out until late at night to avoid the mess in my living room. I used to cook, have friends over, watch movies, now all I do is stay in my room or out in the neighborhood. I am so frustrated and sad andI feel like i have to take care of her, but I know that other ppl know wha tI am going through. I am 24 and I have a college degree. Hopefully, I will be moving out in November. My mother has been ill ever since i could remember and I have been ashamed for that long.

Hi there, I am a young "COH" who recentl...

2010-08-24T13:31:54.216-07:00

Hi there,
I am a young "COH" who recently has found support from this and HoarderSon's blogs. I just wanted to say thank you so much. These blog posts keep me sane. My single mother is a hoarder, always has been. She has raised my younger sister and I, both of us still at the age where we live at home. She also recently finished treatment for late stage breast cancer..and yes, I believe this illness is a direct result of her hoarding and living conditions. It is so sad to me. I brought it up to her the other day when I was throwing out expired food from the fridge and she swears that is no reason why she got sick. She spent so much time researching cancer on the internet that she has a million other reasons why she got sick besides the hoarding..sound familiar?
Ironically enough, I struggle with orthorexia, previously diagnosed as anorexia and bulimia. I have also noticed that growing up with hoarding has caused me some of my own obsessive compulsive tendencies towards neatness, lack of sentimentality, and the opposite of hoarding, where I often throw out perfectly useful things. Now if only I can find a therapist who is familiar with hoarding as a real disease, and offer some help...sighs. It is amazing how many people discredit hoarding as a real disease and even more yet, how the hoarder is unable to see how she has hurt and continues to hurt her children. Thank you again for your blogposts, please keep them up.

The " yet so much has stayed the same" s...

2010-07-31T10:04:50.306-07:00

The " yet so much has stayed the same" section could have been taken out of my own mind! Those exact words... Parents out of town... Desk still a mess... Why on earth can't I get it together like everyone else?? Right now, I could be cleaning my apartment, but it won't happen. Don't get me wrong... It's nothing like my parents house, but I feel like there are still hints of the problem hiding in plain sight. Like my desk, closet, or car. It scares the heck out of me! I remember when I was little, and there was just one room of chaos in my parents house. Then I look at my closet, and wonder if somehow I'm destined to follow in their footsteps. It sounds crazy, and the truth is that i feel like I've gotten a lot better about things over time, but the fear is still there. I've never told anyone about my parents, not even my best friends... How messed up is that? I feel like if I tell them, somehow they'll see it in me... In my messy car, or they'll notice that that darn wrapper is still sitting on my living room table a month later. Really, I've just managed to "bury" the secret... For now. Here's to hoping it'll continue to get better and better!

Like the first commenter, I couldn't stop nodd...

2010-07-22T11:06:11.203-07:00

Like the first commenter, I couldn't stop nodding as I read your post. This could be my exact life - right down to the artist sister who can't seem to get her life together.

I know exactly what you mean about being able to see so clearly what needs fixing - and it looks so simple that how could I not step in to help??

I'm not sure I feel the "rush" you describe... instead, I'm a chronic worrier just looking for relief. I'm almost 30 now, and have spent countless sleepless nights worrying about my mom (hoarder) and sister, both of whom I love so much. I'm sick of having to worry about them, and just want to fix things so that I can stop worrying and move on with my life.

I really liked this post and the previous comments...

2010-04-16T17:18:27.918-07:00

I really liked this post and the previous comments. Jamie, I admire your honesty and humor in writing about this stuff. I especially liked the "WARNING:" part and the part about getting over the anger.
I'm dealing with my mom's hoarding issues right now, and as you all know, it's frustrating, among other things.
I especially liked the point the last poster brought up about the power in having one person's issues controlling an entire family.
Right now I'm trying to help my mom get healthy, but there are no easy answers. She was much more sick than anyone realized. Also, the hoarding was so destructive,and on so many levels, more than I would have ever imagined. I will never understand how she lived the way she did. Just confronting the damage of what she'd done was too massive an undertaking for any one person because of the physical labor alone. Trying to figure out a long term solution to give her the opportunity to get well and be safe is taking some time as well. She's obviously not able to help herself. It's a lot to deal with.

I totally relate to this--not with my mother (hoar...

2010-03-10T12:06:10.705-08:00

I totally relate to this--not with my mother (hoarder) but with other people. I have found that when I step back and stop placing expectations on other people...I am amazed at how wonderful people can be.

But I still struggle with it. Sometimes I just want to wave a magic wand and get my mother back from the mental illness that robbed her of her "real" life and me of my "normal" childhood.

Thanks for sharing!

I just found your blog. I feel like you've bee...

2010-01-10T16:04:54.056-08:00

I just found your blog. I feel like you've been reading my diary! Throughout my child hood the mess was always my fault. As an adult I've spent a large part of my adulthood tryng to make up for all that I had caused her by spending thousands of dollars on storage units to keep her from being evicted. In my attempts to purge I've been called every name in the book because I've thrown something "useful" away.

I can even relate to your dilemma with your sister, as I also tried to save my mother's potentially lucrative business by dropping out of college to run things. Ha! The joke was on me.

I could go on and on, but I just wanted to say a million thanks for articulating so much of daily heaviness that I experience. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off.

Wow. I just found your blog so I just started read...

2009-12-09T17:16:32.143-08:00

Wow. I just found your blog so I just started reading but your mother sounds exactly like mine. She is constantly researching new illnesses that she thinks she has, new herbal remedies and pills that she thinks will cure her, and new dietary restrictions. She is on a gluten-free diet although she now eats some dairy, which she previously avoided. She has all sorts of foods that she avoids, such as those that she believes are bad for people with her blood type. She is not an extreme hoarder, just very cluttered, although she does exhibit some hoarding behaviors.

One time I threw out a candle at my Mom's hous...

2009-11-27T13:47:20.641-08:00

One time I threw out a candle at my Mom's house that didn't even have a wick anymore and was used and dusty...and she dug it out of the garbage and put it back on her kitchen table (which by the way, you can't even see it's piled with so much junk).

I know what you mean about being scared of them when you throw things out. They don't think rationally! I cleaned off my Mom's dresser, and instead of getting a big Thank You, she yelled at me because she said she wouldn't know where anything was! Ok? That's when I first realized she wasn't just messy, she had a serious mental disorder.

It's almost a relief to hear that my Mom isn&#...

2009-11-27T13:30:51.797-08:00

It's almost a relief to hear that my Mom isn't the only one who gives excuses everytime I go to her house. My mom's excuse is always "I've been so busy that I haven't had time to clean!" It makes me angry, sad, and just plain annoyed that she's lying to me. I want to say back..."Wow Mom, you must be really busy!" Does she not realize she gives this excuse EVERY SINGLE TIME? Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for your post. It's nice knowing I'm not alone.

Reading things other children of hoarders have wri...

2009-10-24T01:53:01.535-07:00

Reading things other children of hoarders have written, it never ceases to amaze me how our hoarding parents come out with exactly the same excuses for their behaviour as each other.

"Mom's rationale is that since my Dad is such an "unhandy" guy and she just never has the money to pay those overpriced professionals, this is just how she has to live. With a broken drawer propped open for 15 years... yeah right."

My mother used to say exactly the same thing about her broken (overfilled and couldn't take the strain) kitchen drawers. Poor her, my dad never fixed things (it would have helped if he had space to get to them!) and hadn't bought her new kitchen units for the vast amount of time of eight years.

Kind regards,

A.

April 2009 - I can totally relate to all of this. ...

2009-04-02T19:16:00.000-07:00

April 2009 - I can totally relate to all of this. My 88 yr.old mother has hoarded herself out of the 3 bedroom ranch house where I grew up, including the garage, and now a two bedroom apartment and garage next door to it that she owns and could be renting out IF she would/could clean it out and clean out her original house and move back over there. This, of course, will not happen in her lifetime. I live out of state and have offered to close my office and come for 2 wks if she will cooperate and let me help her clean out. She gets very upset at the mention of this. "I knew you would attack me about this when you came home." She has now fallen a couple of times in the snow shovel width path from the door to the living room, kitchen,bathroom. She sleeps on the couch after she moves piles of papers away. Cant use the tables, chairs, bedrooms, tub or shower as they now hold clothes horse of clothes with the shower rod full of hanging clothes. She bathes by sponge baths. She cannot let repairmen in or anyone else. When I come to visit I have to stay at my brother's house. There is not even a empty chair to sit in when I see her at her apartment. One chair is broken beyond repair but it holds piles of papers so she will not let us take it away. It is always NO NO NO when we ask to help her, and excuses that she will get to it someday. My brother just says not to push her, she is happy the way she is and if she falls again, she does not have far to fall as the junk is waist high and will catch her. If she ever became bedridden, no aides etc could come there, so he said he would just take her to his house if need be. Meanwhile she pays heat and utilities and even phones for both places. She could be getting about $800 a month rent for the apt if she were not caught up in this disease. I hate to go there because it is so upsetting to see the way she lives. IT is really hard to pretend things are ok and not say anything. Last spring I did and she became so upset that she would not speak to me for two days of my 6 day trip of over 800 miles that I only do 1-2 times a year. I also became very angry with her and even said at one point that "things are more important than people to you" since we cannot stay with her or have meals there or anything. I am sick of it and I get so stressed out thinking about it. She lives alone with only my brother in the same town to watch out for her, take her to appts, etc. It has upset him so much that he has had alcohol and drug problems in the past, as well as depression. I wish I could do more but she refuses any help. It is comforting in a way, to read how so many others are in exactly the same situation. cj4209