Friday, September 12, 2008

I can't help myself... someone help me!


Anonymous said...

I found myself gasping as I read this post. I could have tweaked the details and written your story. My Mother is a master manipulator and I have spent my life jumping through her hoops. And even though I am exhausted by the life of jumping, I will still jump, creating chaos in my life to try and help her. And she has trained me well. You see, if I "help", chances are I've done it wrong. Then my "help" created the problem. If I don't "help", then what kind of a daughter am I to ignore her need? It's a nice little set up she has going for her. Only it's at the expense of my life.

Obviously I am not the person to be handing out advise but I will say that if you sister didn't tell you to butt out, I wouldn't say she didn't "ask" for your help. I know the drill. If she passively let you go to work for her, then don't be so hard on yourself. You fell into old habits and she was happy to let you. But now you can back away. Ease off. Hand things back over to your sister. Was this ever presented as being a forever deal? Can you just take the attitude that your initial task is done and now it's time for her to take the ball and run with it....or not.

I honestly think that folks like us need to start out day with a personalized meditation of sorts. We are slow learners. We jump to action for others before we think of ourselves. Staring the day with a mantra...."Today I will let others fix their own problems" would do us both a world of good.

Ceci Garrett said...

I totally relate to this--not with my mother (hoarder) but with other people. I have found that when I step back and stop placing expectations on other people...I am amazed at how wonderful people can be.

But I still struggle with it. Sometimes I just want to wave a magic wand and get my mother back from the mental illness that robbed her of her "real" life and me of my "normal" childhood.

Thanks for sharing!

Anonymous said...

Like the first commenter, I couldn't stop nodding as I read your post. This could be my exact life - right down to the artist sister who can't seem to get her life together.

I know exactly what you mean about being able to see so clearly what needs fixing - and it looks so simple that how could I not step in to help??

I'm not sure I feel the "rush" you describe... instead, I'm a chronic worrier just looking for relief. I'm almost 30 now, and have spent countless sleepless nights worrying about my mom (hoarder) and sister, both of whom I love so much. I'm sick of having to worry about them, and just want to fix things so that I can stop worrying and move on with my life.